80后经典脱口秀台词.doc

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80后经典脱口秀台词

只要肯开技能，舍得嗑合剂，没有弄不死的圣骑士。
以前040( 林志玲 )是大鼓，今年变评戏了。
相声 分碟版的和枪版的，我们这就是枪版的，因为我们这有笑声。
现在二十多岁的姑娘都嫁四五十岁的老头，那我们怎么办?我们也等到四五十岁再娶二十多岁的呗。
我鼻子不通气，听不清楚。
三俗 永远活在三俗人的心里。
我一直说，笑话是loser的游戏。有美女看，谁还听笑话啊!有美女看，谁还讲笑话啊!
挣着卖白菜的钱，操着卖白粉的心。
不管你伤害过谁，或是被谁伤害，我们应该尽可能去包容别人，伤害到别人的时候，你很有义务向对方说上一句对不起，当对方包容你的时候，他一定要还说一句没关系。当然，这个世界上也不是谁都活的那么开，也不是每一句对不起，都能换回一句没关系，但是说每一句你大爷，一定能还回一句你～～大爷!
一个不成熟的男人和一个不成熟的女人，注定是一场闹剧;一个不成熟的女人和一个成熟的男人，也许是一场正剧;一个成熟的女人和一个成熟的男人，是一场喜剧;一个不成熟的男人和一个成熟的女人……那就是傍富婆!
其实老百姓没什么要求，就是想过上和国企员工一样的生活。如果我是在山沟里，忍一辈子我也不冤，您说我在北京跟生活在村里似的，那我冤不冤啊?我是二环以里生人，纯正的北京人，现在住回龙观，每天回家开着车还唱着《钟鼓楼》：我的家就在六环路的里边。
徐强 的女朋友是小红帽的身材，因为她奶奶被狼吃了……

脱口秀不单单只有中国人会欣赏，人家老外也爱听，一起来看看以下的英语脱口秀吧。
Hi, everybody. Hi! So I don't have too much time up here, before my green card expires. See I grew up in a poor neighborhood in China. The middle school that I went to one year decided to pave the dirt roads with bricks and cement. And the students were required to bring bricks to school and ...We worked really hard for 3 weeks and finally we built a road. Years later, I heard about the term: child labor. I was like, what?! Those kids got paid?!
嗨，大家好啊!嗨!那个……我能表演的时间不多，因为我绿卡马上要过期了。我是在中国的穷乡僻壤长大的。我们初中某年突然决定要修整土路，铺上砖头和水泥，让学生们带砖头到学校来……我们玩命地干了三个礼拜终于把路修好了。多年以后我听说了这个词：童工。我立马就惊讶了，啥?!那些小孩干活还有钱拿?
I got a D minus. But I read that younger kids nowadays can't even read the analog watches any more. They can only read the digital ones. I was like, how are they gonna report the locations of hot chicks in the future? It's gonna be like, Hot chick, 3 o'clock. I can't stay that long.
我拿到的只是D-。我看报道，如今的小孩都不会看手表了。他们只能看懂电子表。我心想，等他们长大以后该如何报告辣妹的位置啊?别人说，辣妹在三点钟方向。我不能待那么久的。
So I came to the US for college and I was really into science, which really helped me in the romance department. Like once I asked this girl out and she said, no. I said, are you sure? And she said to me, hey Joe, NO means NO. I said, well... it also means Nitric Oxide.
我来美国是读大学，我很喜欢科学，这对我的感情生活也大有裨益。有一次，我来美国是读大学，我很喜欢科学，这对我的感情生活也大有裨益。有一次，我约女孩子出去，她说不行。我问，真不行啊?她说，嘿，Joe，NO就是不行的意思。我说，NO也是一氧化氮啊。
And one year, I went to New Orleans for Mardi Gras. Here's something you guys should know about me. I don't approve of nudity in public. But when it happens, I want to be there.
有一年，我去新奥尔良参加狂欢节。 对于我，你们要了解一点，我是不赞同公共场合赤身裸体的。不过要是真有人这么干了，那我不能错过啊。
And when I first came to the United States, I took a English as a second language class. And the teacher there was too lazy to remember the students' names. So he just handed out a list of American names for us to choose from. And by the time I got the list, there were only two names left, so I just picked Joe instead of Jake. And the other day, I told that story to my son, Jake.
我初到美国时，参加了英语培训课程。我们老师特别懒，记不住学生名字。于是他就给了我们一张美国名字表，让我们选名字。等我拿到表时，只剩下俩名字了，所以我就选了Joe。我选了Joe，另一个是Jake。有一天，我把这故事讲给我儿子听，他叫Jake。
So my son is four years old now. But he still has a lot of growing-up to do. Sometimes I look at my son, I was like, wow, this gentleman contributes nothing to society. And I have to pretend that I'm impressed by everything he does. I was like, wow, you walked half a block by yourself? That's amazing! But in the back of my mind, I was like, big deal! When I was a kid, I built a road!
我儿子现在四岁，不过，他还远远不够成熟。有时，我看着儿子心想，哇哦，这小伙子对社会一点贡献都没有。但我还得装作他所作的事都很了不起。我说，哇哦，你自己走了半个街区?太棒了!其实我心想，这算啥啊!老子小时候修了条路!
以上是英语脱口秀台词的相关范文，希望你能喜欢。

I do not believe in failure. It is not failure if you enjoyed the process.
我从不相信失败。如果能享受过程，就没什么失败可言。
I think of myself as somebody who from an early age knew I was resposible for myself, and I had to make good.
我认为自己是这样的人：从小我就知道，我要对自己负责，我必须成功。
Luck is a matter of preparation meeting opportunity.
幸运，其实就是准备遇到了机会。
My idea of heaven is a great big baked potato and someone to share it with.
在我看来，天堂就是一个大大的烤土豆，再加上那个与我共享它的人。
So go ahead. Fall down. The world looks different form the ground.
所以勇往直前吧。跌倒吧。你会从地上看到一个不同的世界。
The biggest adventure you can take is to live the life of your dreams.
你能经历的最大冒险，就是过你梦想的生活。
Be thankful for what you have; you’ll end up having more. If you concentrate on what you don’t have, you will never, ever have enough.
对于你所拥有的，要心存感激，这样你就会拥有更多。对于你所没有的，如果念念不忘，你永远都不会满足。
Doing the best at this moment puts in the best place for the next moment.
这一刻全力以赴，下一刻成就最佳。
I am a woman in process. I try to take every conflict, every experience, and learn from it. Life is never dull.
我是一个注重过程的女人。我尽力去迎接每一次挑战，尽力去品味每一次经历，并从中学有所获。生活从不乏味。

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